#Say less meaning how to#

Do your best to practice saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. ItвЂ™s a fundamental skill that most people lack.

#Say less meaning how to#

Do your best to remember that most people havenвЂ™t learned well how to be open and honest in a non-hurtful, productive manner: ItвЂ™s not taught in schools.

You can give feedback, but you also can try and see the personвЂ™s perspective вЂњIвЂ™m curious about why you seemed so angry at the dinner table? I know our daughter wearing her earbuds while we eat is upsetting to you, but is something else going on?вЂќ Sometimes inquiring and trying to draw someone out can be more beneficial than trying to teach them something. Seek to understand with genuine interest.

Take the time to think about the other personвЂ™s viewpoint.

Their troubles are less than ours, meaning Their troubles are not so. Be responsible in your delivery, but not responsible for the reaction. For example, they suggest saying less sugar, but fewer people, not less people. If you have something to say but you donвЂ™t want to hurt someone elseвЂ™s feelings, does that mean that the situation isnвЂ™t any less real or legitimate? You always want to stop and consider your own motives, but you canвЂ™t be responsible for what everyone else thinks and feels.

Remember, you are not responsible for how another person reacts.

Sometimes if you can point out why it was bothersome, the person gets a chance to do it differently next time. I have a hard time enjoying my meal when you are so upset and angry.вЂќ Many people donвЂ™t know how their behavior impacts someone else. вЂњTruthfully, I donвЂ™t even know if what you said was hurtful itвЂ™s just that the tone of voice and the yelling was distressing to me. In school, if you dare to react negatively to what a teacher (who might be wrong) says to you, there are.

Acknowledge your own thoughts and feelings-itвЂ™s perfectly fine to have a reaction and to share it. Many people never learn how to appropriately say what they mean, and mean what they say.

Are you open to hearing my thoughts and suggestions about how to address the issue next time?вЂќ I think there was another way you could have handled it. Instead, say вЂњThat outburst at the dinner table was upsetting. This is why parents are taught not to say вЂњbad boyвЂќ or вЂњgood boyвЂќ you donвЂ™t want to opine on a personвЂ™s overall character.

Be objective and stick to facts in your approach.

Prepare them for the discussion вЂњI would like to share some feedback is now a good time or would there be a better time for you?вЂќ Sometimes people are weaker than other times-you donвЂ™t know all of what is going on with them. Let the person know youвЂ™d like to share something, but make sure they are open to hearing it.

Ask permission and make sure it is the right time to offer feedback.

If you have an outcome in mind, you can frame your comments differently-вЂњIвЂ™m hoping if I share some feedback you might reconsider the way you are treating our daughter.вЂќ

Many times we just want the other person to know something вЂ“ we donвЂ™t have an expectation for what could happen once they know. What do you hope to accomplish as an outcome? Do you want the person to be more aware? Do you hope they will change their behavior? Are you trying to stop them from hurting themselves and others? Think about your own intention first.

When you want to deliver negative or non-positive feedback, consider your goal.

Kathy and Ross Petras are the brother-and-sister co-authors of 'Awkword Moments,' 'You're Saying It Wrong' and 'That Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means.' Their work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post and Harvard Business Review. It's a filler phrase that means nothing - and actually irritates a lot of people.ДЄlong the same lines, avoid starting sentences with puffy phrases like 'It's important to note that вЂ¦' All you're doing is adding useless words. We've seen so many people end sentences with 'if you know what I mean,' or its truncated near-twin 'know what I mean?'В If you're one of them, stop now.